Miscast Spells

Written by the BEWC

Due to the response I've received by email, I have decided to just go ahead and post our alternate spellcasting rules suitable for use with games like AD&D®. In case you missed the first posting, I am including it also. We've used these rules for over a year, and find that they work quite well. The backfire table was primarily the work of Bob Hall, and is partially derived from the DragonQuest® backfire table.

These rules were developed by myself (Glenn Elliott), Bob Hall, Joe Gregg, Doug Bynum, Brad Gorter, Cliff Chapin, and Kirk Hunt. Kudos to all!

- Glenn Elliott

Alternate Spellcasting Rules

Spellcasters are only required to memorize bonus spells. That means that priests must memorize any additional spells granted by a high WIS, and mages must memorize any additional spells granted for being a specialist mage. In addition, no spell may be cast more than once per day unless each additional casting is memorized. Thus, in order to cast Cure Light Wounds 3 times in one day, you would have to have it memorized twice.

Naturally, you don't get all this flexibility for free. Any time you attempt to cast a spell that is not memorized, you must make an ability check vs the appropriate ability score (INT for mages, WIS for clerics). If you make the check, the spell is cast normally. However, should you fail the check, the spell backfires. The backfire table follows.

We make ability checks using 1d24 because our average ability score is around 14-15. If your campaign has similar characters, I would advise you to also use 1d24. 1d24 can be simulated by rolling 1d12 and 1d6. If the d6 result is 4-6, add 12 to the 1d12 result. Otherwise, read the 1d12 normally.

Miscast Spell Results (Backfire Table)

Use the tables below to determine the backfire result of a Wizard or Clerical spell that is miscast by the caster.

Table 1. Spell Backfire result

The DM rolls percentile dice to find the result: [The odds have been modified slightly from the original table to improve the odds of an "interesting" result. -Bob]

01-03	With a loud pop and a small puff of smoke, the spell completely fizzles. The material component, if any, is also lost.
04-07	The spell operates normally, but some aspect of the spell is completely altered in a non-critical manner. Fireballs explode in green flames, magic mouths speak with a lisp, webs appear infested with spiders, and so on.
08-10	The spell appears to operate in a normal fashion, but the results are actually illusionary. Information spells give misleading or incorrect information. Offensive spells appear to damage the opponent, but sputter and fail. Defensive spells seem to protect the target, but leave him open to an attack.
12-14	The caster believes the spell has operated in the normal manner. However, the duration of the spell has been altered by some random amount. To determine the modification to the duration, consult table 2 below. Spells with no duration are cast normally.
15-18	The spell goes off normally, but the range is altered by some random amount. Spells targeted against a specific creature or object will automatically fail on this result. If the range is touch, or it only works on the caster, then the spell operates normally. For area spells, consult table 3 below and apply the result.
19-22	A weaker version of the spell is cast. The area of effect is scaled down by 20-80%. Roll two four-sided dice to determine the reductions in 10% increments.
23-25	The spell seems to sputter and fail. However, the actual effects of the spell are only delayed. See table 4 below to find the actual spell delay. If the spell requires concentration to operate, then it will fail to activate.
26-29	Saving throws made against the spell effects are adjusted by some random modifier. To determine the actual modifier, see table 5 below. If the spell does not allow a saving throw, then a minimal saving throw is allowed. This is usually the highest possible roll on the dice. If the modifier makes this roll impossible, then no saving throw is allowed.
30-33	The spell is successfully cast, but at a different experience level than the caster. To find the change in the spell casters level, consult table 6 below. If the modified level of the spell casting is below the minimum required to cast the spell, it still goes off at the lower level.
34-35	All random effects of the spell function at their minimum amount. This has no effect on saving throws made against the spell effects.
36-37	All random effects of the spell function at their maximum amount. This has no effect on saving throws made against the spell effects.
38-39	The spell strikes a random target or targets within range. Spells that require touch to operate, or only effect the spell caster, will fail completely.
40-41	The benefits or penalties normally provided by this spell are reversed. Any beneficial modifiers change to penalties, and any penalties become benefits. If the spell is reversible, then the reverse form of the spell is used. Spells that normally cause damage actually heal the targets. Items that would have been repaired are further shattered. Information spells give exactly the opposite information.
42	The spell reflects back on the spell caster. Area effect spells are limited to a 10' cube centered on the caster. Spells that only effect the caster operate normally.
43-44	A random spell is cast by the spell caster. The spell must be understood by the mage, and must be the same level as the original spell. The target or area of effect are determined randomly by the DM. Only the original spell is lost by this effect.
45-46	The magic user not only manages to bungle the original spell, but forgets another spell in the process. The spell is selected at random from the remaining memorized spells. Both spells are lost until the caster has had sufficient time to rest and recover the spells.
47	The spell not only fails to function, but the spell caster loses all ability to cast spells within the same school. This ability is restored only after the spell caster has rested for 8 hours.
48	The spell caster is completely unable to communicate with the rest of the world for 1d4 hours. All writing appears jumbled, conversation becomes jiberish, and hand gestures are incomprehensible. Some spells make alleviate this condition, such as Tongues, Comprehend Languages, and so on.
49	The spell caster suffers from temporary amnesia. For 1d6 hours, he is unable to remember who he is, what he is doing here, who the people are around him, and so on. He is highly susceptible to suggestions from those around him. Due to the loss of memory, he suffers a temporary -1 penalty to intelligence and wisdom. There is a 25% chance he will permanently forget the previous 24 hours, even after his memory has been restored.
50	The spell caster loses the use of one of his senses for 1d12 hours. See table 7 for the sense lost, and the resulting effects. There is a 5% chance that the loss will be permanent, if the character fails a saving throw versus Polymorph.
51-53	The spell caster is stunned for 1d8 rounds. Any creature within 5' of the caster at the time of the miscast must save versus spells or be stunned for 1d4 rounds.
54-55	The caster is blasted by an energy backlash and suffers a loss of several hit points from magical damage. The number of hit points lost is proportional to the level of the spell. To determine the damage multiple, see table 8.
56	The caster temporarily loses 1d6 points from a random ability score. The points are recovered at the rate of one per hour. If the ability score is reduced to zero or less, the spell caster falls into a deep coma until the score climbs up to three. There is a 1% chance that one point will be permanently lost from the ability score.
57	The spell caster is blasted by a powerful backlash of magical energy. His hit points are reduced to zero, and a 4d6 save versus Constitution is required to remain conscious.
58	The misdirected energy of this spell warps the casters mind. A 4d6 save versus Wisdom is required to remain sane. If the roll is failed, consult table 9 for the form of insanity inflicted on the caster. The temporary insanity lasts for 2d8 weeks.
59	The spell caster must make a saving throw versus death magic, or he is instantly slain as his head explodes!
60-75	Something very strange happens. Roll on table 10 to find the whimsical result.
76-95	Homonymic Malapropism. See table 11 for the result.
96-00	Repeat this roll and make an additional roll on this table, applying both results. If one of the results negates the spell, then the spell fails to function.

Table 2. Duration Modification

Roll a ten-sided dice to find the result:

1	The spell functions for 1 round.
2	The spell functions for 1d4 rounds.
3-4	The spell lasts for a random fraction of the total duration. Use the smallest dice size that contains the duration. If the roll is greater than the total, roll again until the number is at or below the normal duration.
5-6	The duration is increased by the equivalent of 1d6 levels. Find the spell duration increment per level of experience. Roll a six-sided dice and multiply the result by the duration increment. Add to the initial duration to get the result.
7-8	The duration is decreased by the equivalent of 1d6 levels. Find the spell duration increment per level of experience. Roll a six-sided dice and multiply the result by the duration increment. Subtract the result from the initial duration to get the result. If the new duration is negative, the spell fails to activate.
9	The duration is increased by a random factor. Roll 2-5 and multiply the result by the current duration.
0	There is a 1 in 6 chance the spell will fail each round. The spell will always expire at the end of the normal duration.

Table 3. Range Modification

Roll a ten-sided dice to find the result:

1-3	The spell goes off at a random fraction of the total range. Divide the range by a convenient fraction, such as 5' or 10'. Use the smallest dice size that contains the number of fractions. If the roll is greater that the total range, roll again until the number is within range.
4-5	The range is increased by the equivalent of 1d6 levels. Find the spell range increment per level of experience. Roll a six-sided dice and multiply the result by the range increment. Add to the initial range to get the result.
6-7	The range is decreased by the equivalent of 1d6 levels. Find the spell range increment per level of experience. Roll a six-sided dice and multiply the result by the range increment. Subtract the result from the initial range to get the result. If the new range is negative, the spell goes off in the opposite direction!
8	The spell has the same range as before, but the target is located in a random direction. Roll an eight-sided dice to determine the new compass direction. (1d8: 1=North, 2=NE, 3=East, 4=SE, 5=South, 6=SW, 7=West, 8=NW.)
9-0	The spell is activated close to the original target, but is scattered 10-60' in a random direction. Roll an eight-sided dice to determine the scattering direction, then roll a six-sided dice to find the offset distance in 10' intervals.

Table 4. Spell Activation Delay

Roll a twenty-sided dice to find the result:

1-5	1d10 segments
6-10	Single round
11-14	1d4 rounds
15-17	2d4 rounds
18-19	1d6 turns
20	1d12 hours

Table 5. Saving Throw Modifier

1-2	Allow two attempts to save
3-4	Add 3 to the dice roll
5-7	Add 2 to the dice roll
8-10	Add 1 to the dice roll
11-13	Subtract 1 from the dice roll
14-16	Subtract 2 from the dice roll
17-18	Subtract 3 from the dice roll
19	Use percentile dice to save
20	1% chance to save

Table 6. Casting Level Change

Roll a twenty-sided dice to find the result:

1-4	Half the casters current level (fractions dropped)
5-6	Subtract 2d4 levels
7-9	Subtract 1d4 levels
10-13	Subtract one level
14-16	Add one level
17-18	Add 1d4 levels
19-20	Double the casters level

Table 7. Loss of Sensation

Roll a six-sided dice to find the result:

1	The caster is blind in both eyes. See the reverse of the Cure Blindness spell (PHB) for the effects.
2	The caster suffers complete loss of hearing. See the reverse of the Cure Deafness (PHB) spell for the effects.
3	The caster loses his olfactory sense. Saving throws against ingested or inhaled poisons suffer a cumulative -2 penalty.
4	The caster loses his sense of taste. Saving throws made against ingested poisons suffer a cumulative -4 penalty.
5	The caster loses his tactile sense. Spells requiring a Somatic component have a 10% chance of being miscast, even if memorized. Non-memorized spells must add 2 to the ability check. Saving throws against heat or cold effects receive a -4 penalty. Dexterity is temporarily reduced by 2.
6	Roll twice on this table, ignoring this result hereafter.

Table 8. Magical Backlash

Roll a twenty-sided die to determine hit points of damage caused by the backfire:

1-7	1hp/spell level
8-13	2hp/spell level
14-17	3hp/spell level
18-19	4hp/spell level
20	5hp/spell level

Table 9. Temporary Insanity

Roll percentile dice to find the result:

1-6	Dipsomania
7-12	Kleptomania
13-18	Schizoid
19-24	Pathological Liar
25-30	Obsessed compulsive
31-36	Split personality
37-42	Melancholia
43-48	Megalomania
49-54	Lunacy
55-59	Paranoia
60-65	Manic-depressive
66-71	Hallucinatory insanity
72-77	Sado-masochism
78-83	Homicidal mania
84-89	Hebephrenia
90-95	Suicidal mania
96-00	Catatonic

Table 10. Totally Whimsical

Roll percentile dice to find the result:

01-02	The spell caster develops a rash that lasts 1d4 weeks. Spell recovery time is doubled due to lack of sleep.
03-05	The caster suffers from an excessive emission of flatulence for 1d4 hours. His charisma is temporarily lowered by 3.
06-08	The eyes of the caster begin to glow like flashlight beams. The light illuminates up to a range of 15', but is visible from a much greater distance. The duration of the light is one day.
09-10	Wisps of warm steam emerge from the casters bodily orifices. This eruption lasts for one full turn.
11-13	The hands of the spell caster begin to glow a warm orange color. Everything the caster touches is left with glowing finger prints. The glow fades after 1d12 turns.
14-15	The caster believes that a huge blue hamster has materialized, dressed in formal wear and speaking common. The hamster follows the caster for one hour.
16-18	Dark green leaves erupt from pores all over the casters body. The noisy leaves turn brown and fall off after a day.
19-20	The caster is overcome by a sudden wave of intense heat which lasts for 1d4 rounds. He strips off all clothing and drinks any available beverages (including not more than one potion), unless they are known to be poison.
21-22	The caster feels an overwhelming urge to sing. His life story becomes a one hour ballad. NPC reactions will depend on the singing ability of the caster.
23-24	A stream of 5000 moths spew forth from the spell casters mouth and flutter around for 1d4 rounds. Vision is limited to 1' within a 20' radius sphere centered on the caster.
25-27	Any buttons, clasps, buckles, latches, padlocks, pins, laces, bars, knots, or other locking devices within 10' of the caster are unlocked. All creatures within the area of effect are allowed a saving throw versus magic to prevent their possessions from becoming undone.
28-30	The hair and fingernails of a random target within 20' of the caster begin to grow at a prodigious rate. Hair grows down over the eyes, reducing the To Hit score by -2. Long finger nails make delicate finger work impossible. Growth stops after a round.
31-32	Each round, for a number of rounds equal to the level of the caster, a randomly selected creature within 50' must save versus spells or be teleported to the location of the caster. Simultaneously, the spell caster is teleported to the former location of the selected creature. No teleportation occurs in a round in which a saving throw is made.
33-34	If the caster fails a saving throw versus polymorph, his head is polymorphed to that of an animal randomly selected from the bag of tricks magic item table (DMG).
35-37	Everyone within 15' of the spell caster must make a saving throw versus spells, or suffer from a loud ringing sound in their ears. The ringing is actually a physiological effect, and not an actual sound. Characters must shout to be heard, and no listening attempts are possible. The ringing lasts for 1d6 turns.
38-39	A tiny portal, no bigger than a pin prick, appears about a yard above the spell caster. This portal is linked to the elemental plane of water, and a steady drip of water falls on the casters head. The portal is magically linked to the caster and follows him around. Attempts to plug the gate will always fail when the caster moves. The constant drip of water makes deep sleep nearly impossible. Double the normal spell recovery times. The portal remains for 2d10 days.
40-41	The air within 60' of the spell caster takes on a glass-like appearance, which distorts normal and infra-vision. Judging range within the area of effect is difficult, effectively doubling all spell and missile travel distances for purposes of range modifiers. There is no effect on movement or melee within the distorted air. The radius shrinks 10' per turn until it finally vanishes.
42-44	The spell summons a small local animal. The creatures arrives in 1d4 hours, and becomes extremely attached to the spell caster. It will climb all over the character, reducing THAC0 by 2 and Dexterity by 3. The animal has 1d4 hit points, plus one per spell level. If the animal is damaged, the caster suffers damage equal to double the animal's hit point loss. Once a week, the caster can attempt a saving throw versus spells in order to release the animal from the spell effects.
45-46	For 1d4 hours, plus one per spell level, the voice of the spell caster will start with a loud rumble of thunder each time he or she begins to speak. This will increase the odds of encountering wandering monsters.
47-48	The casters voice emanates from another party member, and sounds like that individual. The source changes once per round, lasting one round per spell level.
49-51	The spell caster becomes insatiably hungry each time food is mentioned. This effect lasts for one day per level of the spell. The caster will demand and consume triple the normal quantity of rations. Each ration below the required quantity will cost the spell caster 1d4hp per day.
52-53	For 2d8 rounds, the spell caster finds himself on display inside a glass container. Huge beings with distorted features examine you from the outside, turning the container around and over. The caster feels insecure for days afterward.
54-56	All the spell casters clothing and other items completely disappear. The caster is naked, save for any items carried in his hands. The possessions reappear in a pile at the casters feet after one round per level of the spell.
57-59	The legs of a random target within 15' of the spell caster contract to 1/3 their normal length. All leg coverings and foot wear shrink by a like amount. Movement is reduced by 2/3rds. After 1d6 rounds, the legs and garb return to normal.
60-61	A random target within 30' of the direction the caster is facing is infested with thousands of small insect pests. Armor Class and To Hit rolls are penalized by -1 due to bites and stings.
62-64	The legs of a random target within 25' are paralyzed for 1 round for every two levels of the spell. Movement is halved for animals and monsters. Humanoids can crawl at 1/3 the normal movement rate.
65-67	The caster is summoned to clean up a mess for a local power. He or she disappears for 2d8 rounds, loses 1d6 hit points plus one per level of the spell, and has a 50% chance to cast a random spell. Hit point loss will not cause death.
68-69	2d6 bolts of energy fly from the casters hands and strike random targets within 40'. Each does 1 hit point of damage per level of the spell.
70-72	The caster falls into a magical sleep for 1d4 rounds plus one per level of the spell. Unless disturbed, the caster will remain in a deep and restful sleep. While left asleep, spell recovery rate is doubled.
73-75	Lumps of slimy pink lard splatter to the ground in the area of effect. If there is no area of effect, the lard falls in a 5' radius around the target. Movement through the lard must be 1/3 normal, or a saving throw versus paralyzation is required to remain standing. The lard remains in place for one turn.
76-78	The spell caster becomes a garbage magnet for all sorts of debris. Any loose paper, leaves, plaster, small stones, feathers, dirt and other small objects within 20' fly up and stick to the unfortunate spell caster. This continues for 1 turn per level of the spell. It requires 1d4 segments to remove any new debris from the face and hands.
79-80	The malodorous caster emits a pungent scent of onions within a 10' radius. Anyone smelling the onions must make a saving throw versus poison, or begin to suffer from blinking and watering eyes. The resulting blurred vision reduces any To Hit rolls by 2, and halves the normal range of sight. The odor lasts for one hour, or until the caster bathes in water.
81-00	Roll on the Wild Surge Results table on page 7 of the Tome of Magic, or use Table 11 (Homonymic Malapropisms).

Table 11. Homonymic Malapropism

To properly execute this result, the DM will have to create a "new" spell that has a name that sounds similar to the intended spell. The "new" spell usually does not really do much of anything, but it should provide amusement. Unless otherwise specified, the duration of the "new" spell matches the normal spell. Here are some samples, in alphabetical order by "original" spell name.

Aerial Servant: Airhead Servant - Instead of a Genie, you get Jeanie. Jeanie is, like, a way tanned Volly Dolly and isn't, like, real sure just what you mean. I mean, like, you want me to do what?
Affect Normal Fires: Affect Hormonal Fires - The caster's hormones go on a rampage. Anyone of the opposite sex and same race suddenly becomes an object of intense desire.; Affect Normal Foyers - Nearby lobbies and entrance halls begin to change shape.
Airboat: Hair Coat - Caster grows a dense coat of hair.; Fare Boat - Boat arrives with a tillerman, who requires a payment of 10 gp per level of the caster to use the boat.; Pear Float - Three scoops of ice cream and freshly sliced fruit.; Rare Goat - Silver goat appears and 'charges' the caster...; Tear Tote - The caster's largest bag or other container tears a hole in it and everything drops out.; Ware Note - Message about some unforeseen peril ahead.
Animate Dead: Animate Bread - Any bread within the range of the spell is animated, and begin seeking condiments.; Handy Mate, Fred - Conjures up a 2nd Mate named Fred who is quite adept at performing shipboard duties. When not on board ship, Fred likes to eat, drink, and be merry (defined as: sing bawdy songs at the top of his lungs and/or brawl with the nearest creature).
Armor: Arm Oar - The lower secondary arm of a random target within 25' turns to wood, and the hand flattens into a paddle shape. After 1d6 turns, the arm is restored to normal.; Harm Her - Any females within 10' per level of the caster receive 1 HP of damage. The reverse, Harm Him, should be applied whenever there are more "hims" within range than "hers".
Audible Glamour: Godawful Hammer - For the next several turns, anything the caster picks up turns (temporarily) into a hammer, which the caster promptly uses to smash his thumb. This, of course, makes spellcasting impossible.; Auditable Glamour - As the sound springs into existance, an IRS Audit form materializes at the foot of the caster.
Augmentation I: Altercation I - This spell requires everyone within 10' per level of the caster to make a reaction roll toward the person/creature nearest to them. Each person affected is assumed to have a current attitude of "neutral" towards everyone else. Anyone who rolls a "Hostile" result (or worse) will immediately attack that individual. The new reactions last 2d6 rounds, after which reactions revert back to the state they were in before the Altercation spell was cast. Altercation II assumes everyone is already hostile, and the new reactions last 3d6 rounds.
Bless: Mess - This spell causes a total and complete mess of everything within 10' per level of the spellcaster. The contents of all containers (ie backpacks, chests, wagons, etc) are instantly strewn about the area of effect. Objects that were actually being held (ie weapons) at the time of casting are unaffected.; Tress - The spell caster's hair is suddenly formed into a fashionable mound of curls. If necessary, the hair grows out to the required length.
Blink: Clink - Whenever the spell caster moves for the next 1d6 hours, every piece of metal carried by the wizard makes a noisy noisy clinking sound. Add +2 to an opponents surprise roll.; Drink - The caster is overcome by an incredible thirst that can only be quenched by drinking at least one flask of liquid. Any old magic potion will do, if one is handy. If not, preferences are for strong wine, then ale, then water.; Sink - The spell caster begins to sink into the solid earth. Everywhere he steps, the ground underfoot becomes very soft. Movement is reduced to 1/3 normal, and the spell caster will sink up to his waist if he doesn't keep moving. When the spell duration has expired, the ground sets solid, holding the caster in his current position. (This has no effect on any other character.) If the caster is underwater, the caster's weight suddenly doubles and he begins to sink deeper.; Stink - I think this one is pretty clear. It lasts a turn or so...; Wink - The Wizard develops an uncontrollable wink.
Cantrip: Can Trip - Spell casters shoes become securely knotted together.
Cause Fear: Cause Beer - One gallon of beer per level of the caster falls in a torrential downpour on the target(s). The beer is made from the finest malt and hops, aged to perfection in oak casks, and delivers a crisp, clean, refreshing taste.; Flawed Spear - Creates a normal spear with a severely warped shaft.
Cause Light Wounds: Cause Light Swoons - Target feels light-headed and faints right away.
Chain Lightning: Chain Lighting - Creates a set of tasteless indoor lighting fixtures that may be slid back and forth along a chain that hangs from the ceiling. The chain follows the course that the chain lightning would have followed had the spell worked correctly.
Change Self: Change Elf - The attire of the spell caster suddenly changes to that of an elf, complete with colorful garb and tiny bells on the ends of the footwear. Humans may find the clothing a few sizes too small.
Charm Monster: Charm Monger - For the next 1d4 weeks, the caster believes he or she has irrestible charms, and will act accordingly. The character's charisma will actually be penalized -1, due to offensive behavior.; Farm Monster - An Ogre farmer appears with pitch fork, ready to plant your sprouts.; Barn Monster - A Straw Golem materializes out of the nearby dead plant material.
Charm Person: Farm Person - Joe the farmer appears, with a pitch fork, ready to do your bidding. (Or digging, if you prefer.)
Clairaudience: Bare Audience - Everyone except the caster within 20' must save versus spells or lose all their clothing. Armor, weapons and other possessions remain in place. The clothing appears in a neat folded pile at their feet.; Clear Audience - Anybody within viewing range of the spell caster has a sudden urge to leave the chamber. Save versus spells to ignore.
Clone: Clown - Duplicate has a red nose, funny costume, and an annoying sense of humor.
Command: Come On - The target of the spell perceives the cleric's actions as a come on, and responds in kind! Depending on the circumstances, this could be interesting...; Woman - The spell caster changes into a female for a round.
Cone of Cold: Cone of Code - Creates a continuous stream of green and white striped paper that erupts violently from the caster's finger, rapidly filling the area of effect. The paper is covered with an ancient and arcane script know as COBOL. Anyone silly enough to actually read COBOL for more than one round is stricken by an effect similar to Feeblemind. The victim may make a Wisdom roll (note that their new Wisdom is 5!) once a day to recover.; Tone of Hold - Suddenly, an annoying beeping sound fills the air. After a round, a disembodied female voice says: "We're sorry, this number has been disconnected. Please dial zero for operator assistance." This is followed by a clunking sound, and the annoying noise goes away.
Confusion: Contusion - Similar to Godawful Hammer, except that the caster involuntarily whacks himself on the head with everything he picks up. Each blow causes an Open Doors roll to be made. If successful, the caster knocks himself out.
Conjure Elemental: Conjure Yellow hen tale - A 10' tall, yellow hen appears in front of the spell caster. It speaks in common, giving it's long, boring life story in lucid detail. Then it proceeds to pluck it's way around the room, in typical chicken fashion.
Continual Light: Counting Your Eyesight - Caster sees 1d4 additional images of everything.; Continual Fright - The caster becomes paranoid in the extreme for 1 turn per level.; Continual Right - Caster develops a permanent conservative political bent.
Create Food & Water: Create Rude Waiter - Creates the normal ammount of food and water, but also summons an extremely rude waiter (or waitress) who will serve (and I use the term loosely) the meal to the party. The waiter will remain until all of the created food and water is consumed, and will complain loudly if not tipped handsomely before leaving. The waiter can be killed, having only 1 HD.
Cure Light Wounds: Cure Bright Rooms - When the spell caster enters a well-lit room, a wave of darkness passes through and the chamber grows dim. The gray region extends 50' around the spell caster and lasts for 1 hour. The illumination in the gray area is never brighter than dusk.; Endure Light Tunes - Every time the spell caster passes through a door or arch, Barry Manilow music can be heard coming from no particular direction. (Stuff cotton in ears, or save versus Wisdom to avoid screams of mindless suffering.); Secure Fighter Goons - 2-5 Goons materialize next to the caster and proceed to pummel him for a round.; Cure Light Winds - Any light breezes are stiffled for 2-5 turns.
Dancing Lights: Damsel Fights - All women within 100 yards have the sudden uncontrollable urge to engage in mud wrestling.; Prancing Wights - 2d4 Wights appear and begin engaging in jovial festivities.
Darkness 15' Radius: Loch Ness 15' Radius - Creates a 30' diamenter pool of water that is 1500' deep and inhabited by a small monster.; Tar Mess, 15' Radius - The floor in a 15' radius centered on the area of effect becomes covered in thick, gooey tar. Those entering the circle must make a successful save versus paralyzation in order to leave. (In so doing, they may have to leave their footwear behind.)
Death's Door: Health Store - A portal appears next to the intended recipient. Those who cross the portal will find themselves in a branch of the Greyhawk Nutrition Cloister (GNC). GNC branches sell healing potions, salves, and ointments at roughly twice the prices found in the DMG. Of course, they also sell health food like nuts, berries, flavored mineral water, and a mysterious substance they call "tofu". GNC branches only accept copper, silver, gold, and platinum, but it can be from any country.
Delude: Deluge - The caster is drenched from above.
Detect Magic: Defect Magic - This spell causes one single magic item (the closest one to the original target point) to become defective. The next time its magic is used, roll on the Wild Magic table instead. After one defective use, the item returns to normal.
Detect Poison: Detect Poisson - The caster immediately knows whether or not the item begin examined satisfies Poisson's Equation. Alternately, the caster immediately knows whether or not the item being examined is a French fish.
Detect Traps & Snares: Detect Naps & Snores - For the next 24 hours, the caster is alerted to the presence of any sleeping creatures within his line of sight. Of course, this may make it rather difficult for the caster to get to sleep.
Detect Undead: Detect Dead - He's dead Jim.
Dilation I: Dilution I - All contained liquids within 10' per level of the caster are diluted by 25%. Thus, a potion's duration and effect would both be reduced by 25%, wine will be watered down, etc. The 6th level version of the spell, Dilution II, dilutes liquids by 50%.
Dimension Door: Dime on the Floor A silver piece appears on the floor in front of the caster.; Dementia Door - After stepping through the door, save versus spells or become demented for 1-6 rounds.; Dimension Doorknob - A glowing brass doorknob appears in mid-air. Unfortunately it is locked, and the dimension door will only function if it can be opened in time.
Dispel Magic: Mispell Magic - The DM should not read this to the player. Luck is not with the caster today. Every spell cast or memorized in the next 24 hours is an automatic Malapropism! The spell caster must wait for a day, then spend the appropriate amount of time sleeping, before spells can be cast or memorized normally.
Domination: Nomination - The caster has been nominated for some publicly held post, and is immediately subjected to confirmation hearings.; Abomination - An increadibly gross pile of slimey goo appears before the caster, resembling an already vile creature that has been turned completely inside out.
Drawmij's Instant Summons: Drawmij's Court Summons - A well-dressed bureaucrat materializes before the caster, serves a summons to a future court hearing, then vanishes. If the caster fails to appear, he or she will be fined.
Explosive Runes: Expletive Runes - Permanent runes appear that written in a foul-mouthed language guaranteed to make even the most experienced adventurer blush.; Implosive Runes - The runes implode when they are activated, leaving a burnt hole in the book.
Faerie Fire: Faerie Fire - All Faeries (Pixies, Nixies, Sprites, etc) in the immediate vicinity are laid of and will be visiting the caster over the course of the next week in order to collect unemployment benefits.; Furry Fire - The nearest fire within range develops a pleasant, fuzzy glow.
Fear: Spear - Creates a normal spear of the finest quality.; Beer - A mug of the finest brew in the land appears in the hand of the caster.
Feather Fall: Feather Flail - The caster discovers, to his chagrin, that he is holding a flail with a tip made from feathers.; Feather Wall - Creates a wall of feathers. Use Wall of Force dimensions.
Feign Death: Feign Deaf - As far as everyone else can tell, the caster has lost his or her hearing. Everyone speaks much louder than normal for the next 1d6 turns so that the caster can hear them.
Find Familiar: Blind Familiar - Summons a familiar like you would normally expect, except that the familiar summoned is, as they say, blind as a bat. Unless you get a bat, of course, in which case it is deaf.
Find Traps: Mind Naps - The attention of the spell caster seems to keep wandering. Every time he or she attempts to concentrate on a task, make a saving throw versus Wisdom to determine if the attempt was successful.
Fireball: Dire Hall - Instead of detonating as intended, the fireball zooms around carooming off of anything that it hits. It ignites flammables and causes 1d6 damage to everything it carooms off of. Each time it hits an object, roll 1d6. On a 1-4, it carooms to the nth nearest target (use the number rolled). On a 5 or 6, it detonates normally, but only uses 4 sided dice to determine the damage. Note that valid "targets" include trees, large rocks, beds, chests, open doors (the door, not the opening), etc. The first "target" is the one closest to the midpoint between the caster and the intended target of the fireball.; FireBawl - Summons a severely depressed fire elemental who attempts to cry on the shoulder of the nearest creature. If such action is allowed, the creature bawled upon will suffer 2d4 damage (per round) from the scalding hot "tears". The fire elemental will leave after 1 turn, or after bawling on someone's shoulder for 1d4 rounds, whichever is shorter. The summoned elemental appears instantly, and at the point where the fireball was targeted.; Furball - The caster finds a small ball of fir is lodged in his throat, and he must spend the next round coughing it out.; Cheeseball - A huge, spherical cheese log, just the right size for attracting a swarm of Giant Rats.
Fire Trap: Lyre Rap - A golden Lyre appears in the arms of the caster, along with a group of 'spirit-ual' backup vocalists.
Flame Strike: Fame Spike - For one day, the caster becomes so incredibly famous that everyone knows who he or she is. When the effect wears off, the caster's fame plummets back to it's original level. Note that people met by the caster during the caster's day in the spotlight may no longer remember who he or she is after the effect wears off unless they were properly introduced when they met...
Flaming Sphere: Flaming Ear - Maybe this is how Picaso did it...; Flaming Spear - All spears within 10' per level of the caster suddenly catch fire.; Flaming Beer - Similar to Beer, but the suds are being consumed by red flames.
Fumble: Mumble - The caster can't seem to s-s-spealrghgyt clrear-mm-ghpph.; Grumble - The caster turns extremely moody for the next week, and constantly grumbles over any inconvenience.
Glass Steel: Glassteal - Useful for stealing glass mugs from unsuspecting peasants...
Glorious Transmutation: Gloria's Transmutation - The caster is instantly encased in a giant egg shell which is AC 0 and requires 2 HP per level of the caster to break. Meanwhile, Hairy Bellow Fountain shows up and begins singing his well known hit single, "Day-Old"...
Guards and Wards: Guards with Warts - Summons a squad of burly guards who are covered with the biggest, ugliest warts you've ever seen. They will stand guard over the object the spell was being cast upon, but require normal food, water, and sleep. There are 8 guards total, and they stand guard in four shifts of two. Level and equipment will vary with the level of the spell caster.
Haste: Baste - A large brush appears, held by an invisible hand of force. The brush is liberally dripping with gravy, and the hand of force begins to swab the targets with the juices.; Paste - The target is covered with a gooey white sticky substance. The paste is water soluable, but dries quickly. Those of you who have done your own wallpaper have been affected by this spell once or twice already.; Waste - What happens to this spell...
Hold Person: Gold Person - If the target(s) fail to save vs magic, their skin becomes electroplated with gold. The effect is permanent, but can be dispelled. Dwarves are particularly fond of this backfire.; Hold Purse - An elaborate purse appears in the hand of the caster, firmly attached to the flesh.
Ice Storm: Rice Storm - A hail of plain, white rice pummels the area of effect, causing little damage but reducing movement by -1".; Mice Dorm - A small wooden structure appears, filled with white mice that immediately flee in every direction.
Identify: Gentrify - For 1d6 days, the caster acquires the haughty mannerisms of the well-to-do.
Illusionary Wall: Illusionary Fall - The caster believes that he or she is falling from a great height. The observable effect is that the caster throws him or herself to floor and rolls around screaming for 1d4 rounds.
Improved Phantasmal Force: Improved Phantasmal Farce - see Phantasmal Force/Phantasmal Farce
Invisible Stalker: Invisible Talker - A loquatious voice materializes near the caster, and refuses to shut up until dispelled.; Invisible Walker - The caster gains an invisible walking aid
Invisibility: Invisible Kitty - A permanently invisible kitten takes a sudden interest in the caster. It keeps rubbing against his legs, tripping him up and disturbing his concentration.; Inflexibility - The target becomes extremely stiff and inflexible for one turn per level of the spell. Dexterity is reduced to 3.
Irritation: Irrigation - Creates a typical lawn sprinkler that spews water for 1d6 turns.
Jump: Dump - The caster jumps as normal, but lands in a heap of trash. It requires a round for the caster to get up and pick him or herself out of the debris.; Dump - The caster receives an 8mm tape with a complete backup of the past hour's activities. Unfortunately the tape is incompatible with any available mechanisms.
Knock: Dock - A row of pilings fill the hallway, complete with a 20' row boat.; Lock - All locks within the radius of the spell slam closed.
Levitate: Leave a Fate - A small fortune cookie plops to the ground just in front of the caster. Inside is a strip of paper with a fortune message. This fortune will come true, but not necessarily in the manner expected by the caster.
Lightning Bolt: Enlightening Bolt - No lightening appears, but the caster is suddenly struck by a remarkable idea. The mage spends the next round pondering this concept. Unfortunately, the idea is promptly forgotten before he can jot it down.; High Strung Colt - Summons an excitable and easily spooked young horse. With care and proper training, the colt could become a fine mount some day.; Lighting Dolt - An unusually stupid acolyte materializes, holding an oil lantern. He proceeds to walk around igniting candles, torches, fires, and other incendiary devices. When there are no more light sources to be ignited, he promptly vanishes.; Lighting Jolt - The caster was not properly grounded, and receives 1 pt of damage per level in feedback.
Limited Wish: Limited Wash - A moist towelette magically appears, and begins to wipe the exposed body parts of the caster.
Locate Object: Low Weight Object - A lump of pumice, roughly the size and shape of the desired object, appears in the spell caster's hands.
Magic Mirror: Magic Mocker - The Mirror becomes magical all right, but proceeds to mock the spell caster's pathetic attempts to use magic, his mediocre abilities, lousy personality, pathetic build, poor background, bad choise of friends, big screw ups, and so on.
Magic Missile: Magic Mice - Creates 10-100 mice that immediately begin squeeking and being generally annoying. The swarm of mice will follow the caster around for 1d6 turns. Note that these mice are magical, and can only be hit by magic weapons... this part of the effect wears off after 4d6 rounds.; Magic Misfire - This spell behaves more or less normally, but each magic missile explodes into a colorful spray like a Fourth of July fireworks display when it impacts the target. Damage is reduced to 1 pt per missile.; Magic Whistle - The annoying +4 referee whistle that keeps blowing in the caster's ear for various oddball penalties. (Illegal Component, Holding Magic Items, Foul Fire Ball, and so on.); Maggot Missile - An unpleasant but harmless projectile strikes the target.; Magic Gristle - A lump of fat becomes lodged in the target's mouth, and the victim must spend a round removing the gristle or become nauseous per the Stinking Cloud spell.; Maverick Missile - That's right, a fully armed Maverick Missile appears and promptly locks onto the nearest flying radar target. Bird, arrow, dragon, hippogriff, it doesn't matter. It has a THAC0 of 4, and does 6d12hp of damage. Unfortunately, the backblast fries the spell caster for 2d10hp of fire damage, and stuns him or her for 1d4 rounds.
Magic Mouth: Magenta Mouth - The caster's lips turn purple.
Maze: Haze - The target is surrounded by a 10' diameter cloud of thick white vapors. The vapors remain centered on the target as he or she moves about. Visibility inside is limited to 5'.; Maize - Creates a corn field 20' square per level of the caster.
Meteor Storm: Meteor Swan - A fine, white swan plummets to the ground, creating an unpleasant splattering of blood and feathers.
Mind Fog: Kind Dog - Summons a large mongrel that is very friendly.
Mindshatter: Mind's Chatter - Instead of inflicting the target with an insanity, this spell causes the target to project his or her every thought psychically so that they can be heard by anyone within 10' per level of the caster. The effect wears off after 5d6 rounds.
Minor Globe of Invulnerability: Minor Glow of Invulnerable ET - This funny looking alien appears with a glowing index finger. He stands near the spell caster making strange phrases, like "phooonne hoomme" and "ooouuccchhh". He is impervious to all magic and weapon attacks.
Mirror Image: My Roaring Mage - Voice of caster is amplified by a factor if 10, alerting all wandering monsters within a mile.; Mirror By Mage - A fine, 5' tall vanity mirror materialzes next to the mage, and remains until struck.
Misdirection: Missed Connection - The caster is teleported back to the last place the party made camp.
Monster Summoning I: Mobster Summoning I - A burly mobster appears and threatens to break the spell caster's legs unless he "pays up" an old debt. The mobster is an NPC thief. For higher level Monster Summoning spells, increase the level of the thief. The debt is 20gp per level of the miscast spell.; Monster Summonsing I - The caster and his or her party are immediately swamped by a ton of parchment summonses. Higher level versions drop more tons of summonses on the party.
Mount: Count - A vacuous bureaucrat, of the same race and gender as the caster, materializes and begins making a painstaking inventory of the spell caster's possessions. He pokes through all his equipment and clothing, looking for hidden items. After the count is completed 2d4 rounds later, the bureaucrat vanishes and leaves behind a sheet of parchment with the list of goods.
Move Earth: Mauve Earth - The ground turns a reddish purple color within the area of effect.
Music of the Spheres: Music in Your Ears - Causes the caster to hear elevator music for the next 1d6 hours. This music makes it difficult to concentrate - the caster must make an intelligence roll before he or she may perform any action that requires concentration (such as spell casting).
Neutralize Poison: Neutral Eyes Moisten - The poison is not neutralized. However, everyone within 20' that has a neutral alignment begins weeping at this news.
Nystul's Magic Aura: Nystul's Magic Flora - The target object begins to sprout exotic and colorful flowers in all directions. The plants wither and fall off after 1d4 days.
Otto's Irresistable Dance: Otto's Irresistable Dunce - Target must save versus Intelligence, or become dressed in a school- boy outfit, sat on a stool in the corner of the room, and a conical shaped hat placed on his head. He is unable to leave the stool for the duration of the spell.
Paralyze: Pair A Size - A set of good quality footwear appears on the floor in front of the caster. Unfortunately the shoes are very narrow and unlikely (1% chance) to fit comfortably.
Phantasmal Force: Fanta Small Force - The contents of a wine skin in the immediate vicinity of the caster suddenly change to soda pop. The resulting fizz ruptures the wine skin, resulting in a loud pop and a wet owner. Phantasmal Farce - Instead of the desired illusion, the nearest vertical surface (one is created if none is near) begins showing old Keystone Kops reruns. The two higher level versions, Improved Phantasmal Farce and Spectral Farce add sound and 3D images respectively. With Spectral Farce, the PCs and images intermix. Plant As Tall Horse - A vine-like plant emerges from the ground and begins to grow at prodigious speed. When finished, the vines have grown to the shape and size of an adult draft horse.
Phantasmal Killer: Fanta Small Filler - Similar to Fanta Small Force, except that this spell produces a small spigot that will dispense soda pop. The Filler will dispense enough soda pop to fill 1d6 wine skins before it vanishes.; Plant a Small Killer - An enraged dwarven criminal appears, planted up to his neck within the area of effect.
Phantom Steed: Plants & Seeds - Conjures up a variety of garden plants and a packet of seeds for each type. 2d4 different plant types are conjured.
Polymorph Any Object: Polly Wants an Object - Summons a giant (8-10' tall) parrot that demands some object from the caster. Polly will TAKE the object if it is not given freely...
Polymorph Self: Poly Dwarf/Elf - If the caster is either a dwarf or an elf, he or she switches race to the other.
Power Word Blind: Power Word Flind - Summons a Flind of the largest, ugliest, and meanest type to attack the target. Remains until killed. Note that if the Flind kills the target, it will attack the next creature it sees. It MUST be killed to get rid of it.
Power Word Kill: Power Word Swill - A large trough and 4d6 pigs appear.; Power Word Bill - Bill the Beerman steps into the fray, dispensing paper containers filled with weak beer. Any Dwarves within viewing range must save versus Paralyzation or become enranged
Power Word Stun: Power Word Pun - The caster spews forth a series of puns so wretched that everyone within 60' of the caster must save vs spells or be stunned for one round.; Power Word Spun - The target is spun around in circles for one round, after which he or she is released. Dizzyness caused by the spinning will wear off after 1d6 rounds. Until then, the target has a difficult time standing, and cannot move without weaving and falling (Dex roll to avoid the fall).
Prayer: Sprayer - A mechanical contraption appears consisting of a metallic cylinder, a hand pump and a flexible hose. The top of the contraption can be removed and the tank filled with a liquid. When the hand pump is worked, a spray of the liquid erupts from the end of the hose. The device vanishes after one hour. The cylinder closes watertight.
Programmed Illusion: Big Hand Delusion - The caster is affected with a delusion of fame in such a way that every time the caster successfully completes a task, he or she will hear applause and feel compelled to give a sweeping theatrical bow.
Protection From Evil: Correction From A Bill - A transaction error was made during your last visit to a merchant. You are owed some change. 10,491 iron bits, to be precise. They arrive in a big pile around your feet.; Protection from Elvis - All creatures wearing a sequin suit and greased hair suffer a penalty to attack.
Protection From Good: Protection From Wood - Nothing made of wood can touch you, including the quarterstaff which leaps out of you hand, the door you can't approach, the wood table which keeps sliding away, etc.
Protection from Normal Missiles: Protection from Normal Missals - The caster is free to avoid Mass for the duration of the spell.
Protection from Normal Weapons: Protection for Normal Weapons - A collection of fine sheaths for various weapons appears in a pile around the spell caster.
Protection From Poison: Secretion From Nose Run - The caster develops a bad case of mucus secretion from the nasal membranes. He is constantly blowing his nose, and talks with a nasal tone.
Quest: Dressed - This spell strips the target of whatever he or she was wearing and dresses them in the finest clothing imaginable. The clothing is appropriate for whatever task the target was being quested to perform, and is worth 250 Gp per level of the caster.
Rary's Mnemonic Enhancer: Hairy Demonic Prancer - Summons a shaggy Reindeer that conforms in all other respects to a Nightmare.; Rary's Demonic Enhancer I - The caster is transformed into a Type I Demon. While the newly transformed demon possesses none of the magical abilities of a normal Type I Demon, all of the remaining non-magical abilities are in place.; Rary's Mnemonic Cancer - The equivalent spells that would have been gained, are instead lost.
Ray of Enfeeblement: Payoff In Bee-Full Tent - With a snap of cloth, a 10' square tent appears over the nearest spell target. The tent contains a bee hive full of honey, and hundreds of angry, swarming bees. After the spell duration, the tent and it's contents vanish.; Ray of Feeble Mint - A weak, but pleasant odor is emitted by the target of this spell.
Read Magic: Read Magazine - An old issue of Reader's Digest appears in the caster's hands. The caster spends 2d4 rounds flipping through it looking for the jokes.
Regenerate: Reneged on Date - The biggest, ugliest, baddest troll (of the opposite sex of the caster, of course) shows up and claims that it was that blind date you stood up all those years ago. Now it has finally caught up with you...
Remove Curse: Remove Purse - All the spell caster's money teleports into the backpack of a random target within 30'.
Remove Fear: Remove Gear - Not only does the target remain terrified, but all his gear drops to the floor in a pile. Wearing only clothing, the target should be able to flee at the maximum movement rate!
Resist Cold: Resist Code - Provides protection from Cone of Code.
Resurrection: Rest Erection - Uh, you figure it out...
Rope Trick: Rope Slick - This works in a similar fashion to the Rope Trick spell. However, the rope is covered in slippery grease. Climbers must make a successful Climb Walls roll at -40 per ten feet of rope. If the roll is failed, the climber slips back down to the bottom.; Soap on a Rope Trick - Appears around the caster's neck.
Scare: Share - The caster's monetary treasure is divided up evenly amongst all of his or her companions.
Sepia Snake Sigil: Sepia Cake Sigil - Same spell, but the snakes are made of delicious cake.
Shield: Heeled - The spell caster's footwear suddenly develops a set of high heels. Movement reduced by 1/3. Female comeliness modified by +1, male by -1. (Depending on the culture, of course.)
Shocking Grasp: Choke and Gasp - The caster sucks something down the wrong pipe and begins to choke. If unaided, the caster will be unable to do anything except cough and gasp for 2d6 rounds. However, the caster will recover one round after someone performs the Heimlich maneuver.; Shocking Gasp - The caster makes a rude noise, provoking a gasp from all within hearing distance who have the etiquette skill.
Shout: Stout - The caster shrinks 20% in height, and gains 20% in weight. All equipment sizes appropriately.
Silence, 15' Radius: Violence, 15' Radius - Equivalent of a Taunt spell is cast upon anybody entering the area of effect.
Sleep: Sheep - All targets that would have otherwise been put asleep are temporarily turned into sheep (1d6 rounds). For the next several days, all targets who were affected will feel sudden urges to bleat periodically.; Steep - The caster begins to sweat profusely as his or her body refuses to let off heat. The caster will fall unconcious in 1d4 rounds and remain unconcious until doused with a cool liquid (at least the contents of one wineskin).
Slow: Blow - A large metal frying pan appears, held by an invisible force just above the target's head. The target receives a solid whack with the pan, and then it vanishes. The target takes 1hp of pummeling damage per level of the spell caster, and has a 1% chance per level to be knocked unconscious if INT > 3. No saving throw.; Glow - The target begins to glow in a flashing light show of different neon colors. Whenever the caster moves, a glowing trail is left floating in the air, slowly fading away. The color display provides neither advantage, nor disadvantage during combat.
Slow Poison: Blow Bassoon - This has no effect on the poison. However, the caster's voice changes to that of a woodwind instrument. With practice, the caster would be able to produce tolerable melodies. Unfortunately, the effect wears off after only one day.
Snilloc's Snowball: Snilloc's Spitwad - A small lump of masticated paper erupts from the mouth of the spell caster, and flies at great velocity towards the target. The wad produces a yelp, 1hp of damage, and the undivided attention of the victim.
Solid Fog: Tepid Bog - The area of effect becomes a 10' deep swamp of tepid, slimy water and muck. Only the top 2' is water, the rest is a gooey muck.
Speak With Dead: Beak With Head - The caster's lips change their form, becoming a well-formed duck beak. The caster speaks with a distinctive quacking voice, and he has a sudden desire to eat bugs, worms, seeds and other bird food. After 1d4 days, the lips are restored to normal.
Spectral Force: Rectal Force - The spell caster has the sudden overwhelming urge to attend to a certain waste disposal problem.; Spectral Farce - see Phantasmal Force/Phantasmal Farce
Spirit Armor: Spear with Honor - This spell creates a magical spear (no plusses) that will refuse to be used against an opponent under certain circumstances. For instance, if the target has not demonstrated hostile intent, has asked for mercy, is of the opposite sex of the wielder, is less powerful than the wielder, etc.
Spiritual Hammer: Hear Ritual Fanfare - The disembodied sound of a dozen horns can be heard coming from no particular direction. The fanfare lasts for one round.
Spook: Spook - Summons a human wearing a trenchcoat and dark sunglasses.; Kook - The victim is bothered by the image of an eccentric individual.
Stinking Cloud: Blinking Shroud - All targets within the area of effect who fail to save are clothed in a shroud that obscures their vision. The shroud blinks on and off at random intervals is such a way that the victim can move about at half movement rate, but cannot fight.; Shrinking Crowd - Everybody within 20' must save versus magic, or shrink to 10% of their normal size.
Stone to Flesh: Stoned Flesh - The target is affected normally, but returns to flesh totally plastered. Recovering will require a full night's sleep, and a really good hangover remedy in the morning. The reverse of the spell, Flesh Stoned, has the same effect (and does not turn the target to stone).
Summon Shadow: Summon Chateau - A large french-style mansion appears, complete with snotty servants, a wine cellar and Louis the 14th furniture. It remains for 8 hours.
Symbol: Cymbal - A dramatic sound is heard from no particular direction.
Taunt: Haunt - For the next 1d4 weeks, the caster is plagued with visions of creatures of the target's race. Some of the visions are real, so they can't just be ignored. Otherwise, the spell works normally.
Teleport: Tailor Part - Invisible servants begin measuring the caster for formal wear. The clothing appears a round later at the feet of the caster. Unfortunately, it is made from poor material and doesn't fit.
Teleport Without Error: Tailor Part Without Error - Invisible servants begin measuring the caster for formal wear. The fine clothing appears a round later and is a perfect fit.; Teleport Without Terror - The caster remains amazingly calm as he is teleported into a pleasant meadow filled with flowers and dancing bunnies.
Tenser's Floating Disk: Tenser's Floating Bisque - A large cup of ice cream, mixed with nuts, floats just out of reach of the spell caster.; Tenser's Slipped Disk - A nagging back ache prevents the caster from carrying anything, and limits mobility to half normal.
Tongues: Tongues - A really ugly green goblin, of the opposite sex from the caster, appears and rushes over to french kiss the spell caster. For some reason, the caster seems unable to resist the charms of the goblin. The two spend many 'romantic' rounds together, until the spell wears off and the goblin vanishes. Heartbroken, the caster spends the rest of the day in a blue funk.; Gongs - The sound of several loud gongs fills the air.; Pongs - The caster begins to emit a terrible odor, repulsing everybody who is not a Troll or Goblinoid.
Transmute Rock to Mud: Transmute Rock to Stone - A little trick that only the Geologist in the party will appreciate.; Transmute Sock to Mud - The shoes of the caster are choked with mud.
Trap The Soul: Trap The Sole - The heels of the target's shoes become firmly attached to the floor.; Rap the Soul - The caster suddenly and involuntarily begins speaking with an incessant, rhythmic stacatto about how miserable his life has become since his female dog left, his money ran out, and something called a Lincoln Continental was destroyed.
Unseen Servant: Unclean Servant - Summons a dirty, grubby servant who otherwise conforms to the statistics listed in the spell.; Unseen Pervert - An invisible, groping servant appears, ready to party.
Wail of the Banshee: Whale on the Fan Deck - This spell is catastrophic if cast while on a boat, as it summons a large sperm whale onto the fan deck (or functional equivalent). Not many ships will float with that kind of weight imbalance. If the caster is not on a boat, there is no effect.; Hail of the Jam Sea - A hail of sticky jam pelts the ground within a 15' radius of the caster. Movement is reduced by -3".
Wall of Stone: Ball of Stone - A spherical, 5' diameter boulder appears, and begins rolling downhill.; Call of Crone - A horrible cackling voice of an old crone appears next to the caster and begins to neg him incessantly.
Wall of Fire: Appalling Lyre - Summons a horribly inept Bard who begins playing a lyre. The music is so bad that everyone within 10' per level of the spell caster must save vs magic to avoid a migraine.; Hall of Ire - Everyone within 10' per level of the caster becomes extremely angry at the spellcaster.; Hall of Liars - Everyone within 10' per level of the caster becomes a pathological liar. For the next 1d6 turns, no one affected is capable of speaking the truth.; Wall of Air - This spell is a breeze
Wall of Fog: Fall off Hog - The caster suddenly finds him or herself riding a very large wild pig! The caster must make a riding proficiency check at -4 each round or be thrown off. If the caster does not have riding proficiency, he or she is thrown off after one round.; Ball of Frog - A large round ball made of hundreds of frogs appears, all clinging tightly to each other. The ball rapidly comes apart and the squishy little frogs are everywhere!
Wall of Force: Fall off Horse - The next time the caster rides a horse, he or she will fall off at the most inconvienient possible moment. At the very least, the caster will fall in a convienient mud puddle.; Stall for Horse - Creates a 10' cube stall for a horse. Includes a feed bag, straw, pitch fork, brush, saddle blanket and water trough.
Wall of Ice: Ball of Rice - A huge sushi roll appears in the area of effect, surrounded by a dozen bottles of spritzer.; Hall of Dice - A 10' square (per level of the caster) area surrounding the caster converts into a casino, complete with Bacarrat, Craps, Keno, and Slot Machines.; Wall of Lice - Enough said?
Wall of Iron: Hall of Cryin' - Everyone within 10' per level of the caster suddenly becomes extremely sad and begins crying. The sobbing is so intense that those afflicted can do nothing else for 2d4 rounds.; Waldorf Inn - The spell caster is teleported to an alternate plane and appears in the lobby of the most luxurious Inn he or she has ever seen. Servants wait to satisfy his or her every whim. When the caster leaves the Inn, he or she is teleported back to the location where the spell was cast. Only 1 round of real time has passed for every hour spent in the Inn.
Wall of Stone: Wall of Foam - A huge wall of foam appears in the center of the area of effect, and promptly explodes. The floor within 50' of the explosion is covered in several feet of slippery bubbles.
Web: Wed - The caster and nearest member of the opposite sex (need not be the same race, mind you) are instantly clad in full wedding regalia. The strains of "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desire" float sweetly through the air.
Web: Zeb - A man appears, wearing jeans, suspenders, a straw hat and shirt. He is carrying two jugs of the finest home brew and sits on a stool playing his harmonica. After entertaining the locals for a few turns, he takes a swig and vanishes.
Wish: You Wish - A soto voice, speaking in a sarcastic tone, tells the caster, "Yeah, right, that'll happen."
Wizard Lock: Wizard Clock - Creates a magical sundial that accurately tells the time of day. Comes equipped with a leather thong so that the clock can be easily strapped to the wrist.; Wizard Block - The caster is covered in a silvery oil that provides 50% magic resistance to spells, including the caster's own magic.
Wizard Sight: Wizard Might - This spell causes the caster's strength and intelligence scores to temporarily switch. If this drops the caster's intelligence below 9, he or she may not cast spells until the scores switch back. The effect persists for 1d6 turns.